Suicide has and always will be a scary topic to talk about, especially in Singapore. A strong stigma and taboo coil itself around such topics, strangling the words of those who are desperately gasping for help. On many occasions, people who are suicidal are afraid of asking for help from their loved ones because they may be concerned with worrying and being a burden to others, the stigma and label of being suicidal, or harming the reputation of their family.
These negative cognitions being held by those who are suicidal, however, are rarely true. Often, their family and friends are eagerly wishing for them to open up so that they may extend their compassion and lessen their pain. Many consider it a privilege that others would be willing to confide such deep and personal thoughts with them.
Credit: Matt M. McKnight/Crosscut
Despite our strong desire
to help our loved ones who are relentlessly struggling to stay alive, when such confessions are first conveyed to
you, it may catch you off-guard. Confessions of suicidal ideation carry immense
emotional weight and are of major importance. One may feel like a life has just
been thrust into their hands and saying the wrong thing can have dire
consequences. Therefore, in light of September being suicide awareness month,
this piece will be giving you tips on how to respond appropriately to
confessions of suicidal ideation so that we can get our loved ones the help
they need.
According to the Samaritans of Singapore, a non-profit suicide prevention organisation in Singapore, if a loved one opens up to us about suicide, we should:
1. Firstly, take the confession very seriously. Do not laugh or brush it off as doing so may exacerbate the situation and the confessor may further shut themselves off from others.
2. Secondly, recognise their struggles, encourage them to keep talking about their experiences, and check up on how they have coped and what resources they may have tried. Doing so provides a safe environment for them to speak out, which can help rationalise their irrational thoughts and can be a cathartic experience for them.
3. Thirdly, avoid advising on how to better their situation. During emotional times, what they need is to just be heard. Allow them to speak freely about what they need and want to say.
4. Lastly, let them know that it is completely alright to seek out additional help that they may need. They may have previously thought of seeking professional help but may be unsure of where to go or are afraid of going. Offering to accompany them to make an appointment or to the session itself can be a strong motivating factor for them to begin seeking professional help.
Additional things that we can do to be a good listener is to be sympathetic, accepting, and non-judgemental towards what they are telling us, as they may pick up on our attitude towards their plight and mirror that accepting and non-judgemental behaviour upon themselves.
Furthermore, we should seek confirmation if they are planning to commit suicide. Asking if someone is thinking about committing suicide does not increase the risk of suicide or put the idea into their heads despite the common conception. Instead, asking such questions will provide you with important information about how to help them or if they are in imminent danger.
However, if you believe that your loved one is in imminent danger of committing suicide, call emergency services at 995 (Singapore) immediately. It may be a tough call to make and you may be worried that your loved ones may hate you for it in the future but doing so can mean saving their lives.
In closing, I want to acknowledge your feelings that being confided in about suicide is a frightening situation. It would be completely natural for you to be nervous, anxious, or afraid when hearing such information. However, hopefully, with this information in the back of your mind, you would be prepared to appropriately answer a loved ones’ call for help.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, therefore, we must do all we can to guide our loved ones to see the light in their world enveloped in darkness.
Written by Ng Xinyao. Ng Xinyao is a psychology graduate from NTU. A writer for hobby to advocate for greater awareness of mental health issues in Asia with a research interest in the region of neuropsychology. On the flip side, Xinyao enjoys reading manga, playing games and the guitar.
References
Helping Someone Who is Suicidal: Samaritans of Singapore (SOS). (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.sos.org.sg/get-help/helping-someone-in-crisis
Schimelpfening, N. (2020, March 26). How to Help a Friend Who Is Feeling Suicidal. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-to-do-when-a-friend-is-suicidal-1065472
Suicide: What to do when someone is suicidal. (2018, January 31). Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/suicide/in-depth/suicide/art-20044707
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