What is love? Psychology of Love by Samuel Low

Valentine’s Day might be over, but love is still in the air. It’s something that singers have wrote and sang about for as long as time can remember, and it’s the driving motivation for one too many characters in films and shows. But what exactly is it? And what is the psychology behind it? Read on if you are interested to find out what causes the butterflies in our stomachs!

Why is love important to us in the first place? Perhaps some of us are looking for that someone special, or perhaps you just want to share the shape of your heart with someone else. Whatever the reason, love is important in our development and wellbeing as a person, from spiritual, mental, and emotional support, to reassurance and the opportunity to express our true selves, love can be found and expressed in many ways, platonic and romantic. In this article, we aim to explore the psychology behind love.

Attraction

Attraction, or attractiveness, is crucial when it comes to developing love. Attraction can be explained through both the physical and social-cultural dimension. Just as we are attracted to physical features, other traits and factors, such as commitment, loyalty, ambition, passion, kindness, empathy, patience, and sociability, all play a part in how and why we are attracted to a person.

Similarity

You might be thinking, ‘huh? Similarity? I thought opposites attract? Whatever happened to yin and yang?’ Well, opposites do attract, but where you and your partner or friends differ, are there any ways that you guys might be similar in? Similarity increases attraction and liking because we have a natural tendency to associate anything similar or familiar to ourselves as positive, which fulfils our needs for mastery and connectedness (social psych class anyone? Hah!). Similarity attracts and draws people toward each other, and gives both parties the reassurance of their self-concept and mutual interests. Even liking the same bubble tea may lead to some kind of connection with another person!

Positive Interaction

There are two parts to this point. Positive and Interaction. Without interaction, it is hard to develop any form of attraction or liking to someone else. At the same time, if these interactions are more negative than positive, you may feel a little burnt out from the bad vibes. Therefore, for attraction to happen, positive interaction is important. Positive interactions, like similarity, helps us feel connected and in sync with a person. It’s always more appealing to hang out with someone who makes us smile and laugh, right? Humour is always very attractive, however, besides humour, positive interaction may also mean having someone to motivate you in your studies or your work, or having someone to be there for you when you are feeling down.

Therefore, for love to exist, attraction, similarity, and positive interactions should be fulfilled. How about what happens next? What types of love are there?

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love (1986)

Love exists in many forms. According to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, love is composed of three elements: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. Each element of love further forms different combinations when matched together. Let’s delve a little deeper into what all these means.

Intimacy: Intimacy may be the most important factor of close relationships. Intimacy is an emotional bond that includes understanding, acceptance, and support. Intimacy comprises of and exists in physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental dimensions.

Commitment: Intimacy may be the magnet between two people, but commitment is the glue in a relationship. Commitment involves dedication in maintaining the relationship over time. It is the force and promise that holds two people together in an enduring relationship.

Passion: Passion is what makes butterflies flutter in your stomach, sweaty palms, and stuttering speech. It involves a strong attraction and longing for someone, with euphoric feelings of excitement when you are thinking about that person.

Much like the ingredients in your mala xiang guo, these different components of love can be mixed and matched to develop higher forms of love: Intimacy and Passion forms Romantic Love, Passion and Commitment forms Fatuous Love, and Intimacy and Commitment forms Companionate Love. When Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment are all present, the ideal form of love, known as Consummate Love, is formed. But while the study of psychology may offer insights into how love can be quantified and defined, perhaps sometimes, it may be best to follow your heart ;) !

It was hypothesised that pizza love is the best love >.<

References

Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93, 119-135.