SGPsychStud's Reflections: Experiencing Loss

I apologise that I was absent in my Facebook page, not updating the daily newsfeed, over the last weekend.  Something happened at home which have inspired me to write this post.  It was a great loss especially for me and those close to me.  I often say: "There is always a choice" and "We can always do something about it".  However, this is the first time, since my revelation and acceptance of those principles, that I felt despair and was distraught by the inability to do anything about this loss.  The first two days were very bad for me, as I was emotionally tired and could not think much about any other things at all.

Being a learner of psychology, I experienced a few "selfs" in this short period.  The therapist in me tried to allow myself to experience the emotions that were overwhelming from time to time and counsel myself with my conflicting and hurting self through my own self-talk, while my scientist self tried to analyse the situation with whatever knowledge I have learnt previously from my Grief Counselling module.  K├╝bler-Ross' five stages of grief, relaxation and coping techniques, my counselling framework and techniques were researched in depth and under scrutiny by my scientist self.

I was truly hurting (and I still am), and I told my spouse that this is truly the most heart-breaking thing that happened to me.  Nothing will be able to come close to it, because this loss is very personal, as if losing a part of myself.  Numbing my feelings is not going to help in any way, and I believe that though I could not do anything about the loss, I could do something about myself.  I decided to be more positive and stronger for my spouse, despite all the pain.  I understand that the memory of the loss will forever be etched in my memory bank, and there is no way I can remove it.  However I can do something about the pain, using it each time to make me even stronger again.  

There was a post on the Slice of Life Facebook page yesterday (25 June 2014), which expressed mostly how I felt and is very good encouragement of how one can recover from a great loss:
"When hit by a major setback in life - like losing a job we love, losing a partner, or losing our life savings, our focus tends to veer towards the negative.  We think we won't survive the crisis, that we have nothing left to live for, that this is certainly the end.  For some people who keep dwelling on this theme, they actually do make the end happen, not because it was inevitable, but because they had resigned themselves to it so completely.  They keep to themselves, keep playing worst-case-scenarios in their head, yield to anxiety attacks, and toy with suicidal thoughts.  Of course it's tough to weather a misfortune, and some doom and gloom is sure to cloud your day. But the problem with staying preoccupied with your loss is that it blinds you to the possibilities.
And the possibilities are always there.  As they say, "when one door closes, another one opens".  Not to mention the doors that were there all the time.  You didn't see them because you weren't looking.  So if you're currently working through some trauma, learn to pay more attention to the possibilities.  The darkness may be threatening, but in the light of dawn, even the most pernicious thorns turn out to be the softest petals.
So when you feel like closing up, force yourself to expand.  Even if you can manage to open up a bit at first.  There is the bad reality, but there are many other realities that are good, waiting to be explored and nourished.  And stop guilt-tripping yourself.  You did all you could, and there are many things that are simply out of your control.  Ultimately, you can only think for yourself.  But as you open up more and more, the possibilities you can choose from grow and multiply. This is where the potential for transforming not only your life, but your world as well, can happen."